I want to be like Hannah!

Being a mother is a hard job. Boy, that's an understatement. It is unimaginably rewarding, but challenging nonetheless. When Haley was born I took a year off of teaching (actually 17 months from bedrest at 6 mo. to going back to work). I was horrible at it. I have lots of excuses why I was bad at it, depression, loneliness, exhaustion, but the truth is that I never asked God if I should stay home. I just felt that is what you should do so I did.

Greg had certain expectations of me if I were to stay home. The house should be clean, clothes washed, dinner cooked, mommy bathed, etc. These things were rarely ever done. I desperately missed teaching and knew that I was not made to be a stay-at-home mom but it was the middle of the school year and no one would take me on mid year. Going back to work when Haley was 17 months was very good for me, though not as good for my family. I still neglected them and took them for granted. I come from workaholic parents so it comes naturally.

Greg really had to shake me around and tell me to get my priorities straight. Each year it got better, I think. After 2 years of teaching and a new baby on the way, I felt very deeply and strongly that God had told me it was time to stay home with my children. That was scary for Greg and me and we continued to question it right up until Matthew was born. I saw his face and new instantly that God had been speaking to me.

Staying home has gone pretty well. The house is cleaned regularly, clothes are washed (just not always put away :), meals are prepared, mommy is bathed, kids are well cared for. I feel successful at what I do. I know Greg appreciates what a hard job I have, even though he won't freely admit it. He has made comments when watching the kids for a few hours that he doesn't know how I get anything done.

Recently I have been studying women of the Bible. God brought the story of Hannah to a Bible study I am doing. The story of Hannah is told in 1 Samuel 1 and 2. Hannah, married to Elkanah, was a woman whom God had decided should not have children for many years of her marriage. He did this in order to bring her closer to Him. During this time in history, a childless woman was considered a failure, cursed by God, and her bareness was a social embarrassment to her husband. Instead of Hannah becoming angry at God, she went to the Lord's temple where Eli the priest stood.

The first commandment (Mark 12:30) says You shall love the Lord God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and will all your strength..." Hannah was the epitome of a godly woman who followed this commandment. She knelt before Eli and prayed to God out of her great anguish and grief. She prayed for God to give her a son, and promised she would give him back to the Lord for all the days of his life. Because of her obedience with God, He granted her deepest desires. When Hannah gave birth to her son Samuel, she prayed a passionate prayer to the Lord.

'My heart rejoices in the Lord;

in the Lord my horn is lifted high.

My mouth boasts over my enemies,

for I delight in your deliverance.

There is no one holy like the Lord;

there is no one besides you;

there is no Rock like our God'

I Samuel 2:1-2

I find her love and deep knowledge of the Lord breathtaking. Hannah did not just pray for the deep desires of her heart on one or two occassions. This was how she lived. 'She poured out her sould before the Lord.' I Samuel 1:15 She and Elkaham reared Samuel to be a man of God and gave him back to the Lord when it was time.

I want to be like her. I want to have so much love and knowledge of God that I am able to do exactly what He wants, trust Him at all times, praise Him day and night, and love Him with a love that is so fearce it cannot be described. I want to rear my children in the way God commands. I know, as Hannah knew, that these children belong to the Lord, not to me. I want to sculpt my childrens lives so that they may follow Christ and be one of His. I want my life to mean more than washed clothes, clean house, cooked meals. That doesn't matter to God or ultimiately my children. I want to have such a stong spiritual influence on my children that they remember all the days of their lives. My greatest desire is to be the woman spoken of in Proverbs 31:10-31 and when I walk into the arms of my Savior, he will look at me and say "Well done, good and faithful servant."

Father God,

I thank you for the blessings of the two beautiful children you have lent to Greg and me. I ask that you watch over them and guide them in thier daily choices. May you give us strength and guidance to be the parents you require so that when it is time to give them back to you, they will freely run into your arms. Help us to put You as our number 1 priority in life at all times and to push away all that does not matter. Lord, help me to be a virtuous woman who eminates your love and grace through my daily choices, words, and actions. Allow me the wisdom to teach my children your Word and show them, not just tell them. Remind me of the picture of Hannah and the blessings you gave her as she lined her life up with Your will. Let her godly life be a reminder of how I am to live. You are a great and mighty God. I love you and praise you. Thank you for loving me and sending your Son to die for my sins.

In His precious name I pray,

Amen