American girl, through and through

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBagBstjFo4

I wanted to share this video with everyone. Haley learned the Pledge of Allegiance this year and we are very proud of her. We recorded it so we could share it with you and you could share in our pride.

My family, especially the women, are extremelly proud to be American. My mother and I are laughed at constantly by my husband because we almost always cry for the National Anthem and for "I'm Proud to be an American".

May God Bless all the men and women serving our country and risking their lives for our beautiful freedoms that we take for granted. Thank you also to the families of these soldiers. Your service to our country does not go unnoticed or unappreciated. You are prayed for, thought of, and loved.

GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!

A letter to my son

watch this video first http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xg7ZFrGNQns


My Dearest Matthew,


I just put you to bed. Like every night I fed you warm milk while you spun around in my arms trying so hard to get away. You always seem to know when it is bedtime and try to resist each time. I don't know where you get all the energy. I brushed your teeth and sang you sweet songs about how much your family loves you, and especially how much you are loved by our Father in Heaven. I laid you down in your crib and you gave me the sweetest smile. You curled up on your belly and knees and tucked your sweet chubby arms underneath you. I covered you up and prayed over you like I do every night. You didn't make a peep. You are such a good baby.


I stood next to you and watched you sleep in the darkness and thanked God for the gifts and blessings he has provided, especially for you and Haley. I thought of your many accomplishments today, the big and the small. Tonight, for the first time, you walked! You have taken little steps before. You know, the one or two struggled and caution filled steps in between me and Daddy. It's always so cute when you realize no one is holding on to you. You let out this nervous laugh and then fall on your butt and then break out into laughter. We can't help but laugh with you. We have practiced with you so many times. "Go to Daddy," I'd say and off you'd go, holding my hand until you could almost touch his, then you'd solo for one or two steps and then fall into his arms, laughing the entire time. Your blue eyes would sparkle with your big smile. Your big sissy Haley is always your biggest cheerleader. You should see how she lights up when you do something new.


But tonight, tonight you were something to behold. Tonight you let go of my hand, stood carefully by yourself, but reached out to make sure I was there to catch you. You caught your balance and then took off...8, 9, 10, even 12 steps to Daddy. Then back you came. Your bright smile was all I could see through my tears of joy. Into my arms you walked with such joy and pride. Oh, how we all clapped and rejoiced!


Life has a way of whispering to us when sacred moments are occuring. And life whispered tonight. As you released my hand and stepped alone, an emotion surged within me. An emotion that I didn't identify until I watched you sleeping tonight.


What was I feeling? This may suprise you, but the emotion was fear. I was afraid. Matthew, until tonight, you depended on your daddy and me for everything. Everywhere you wanted to go, we took you. Anything you wanted to do, we did with you. But tonight marked, well, it marked your stepping out. Soon you won't want to be carried, something my arms will be grateful for but will cause my heart to break. Soon you will squirm from our arms to the floor and proudly walk alone.


Your first step away from childhood. Your first step away from innocence. Your first step away from home. Your first step away from us; away from our world and into your own.


I imagined, as I watched you sleep, the other first steps that await us in the future. I thought of your first step up the sidewalk to school. Freshly scrubbed with shiny shoes, pressed slacks, and combed hair, off you'll go into the big world of pencils, blackboards, and knowledge. What will you learn? I wonder.


I thought of your first steps toward friendships. When "Bobby" or "Kyle" or who-knows-who next door knocks on our door and asks, "Can Matthew come out to play?" When another little friend takes the place of Daddy as your buddy and Mom as your girlfriend.


And your first steps toward your own faith. God, I pray they come. One foot carefully placed in front of the other carrying your heart to the Roman cross. Hands extended inviting God to lead you as you continue stepping through unpredictable fields of faith.


So, as I watched you sleeping quietly in the darkness, I felt fear. Fear that what we started tonight, we couldn't stop. I had this crazy inclination to push the pause button and freeze this moment as it is now. You, in my arms, forever giggling, kissing, and playing.


But life isn't like that my sweet Matthew. Those who love life must love it with open hands. We must release time and save only the memories. We must remember that with each first step comes a journey of joy, surprises, and gentle whispers of God's presence.


So, I'll let you walk my little boy. I'll release your hand and let you go. I'll do my best to stay nearby as long as I can. And should you fall, I'll rush to help you up. And should you stumble, I'll catch you. And should your steps lead you astray, I'll do my best to show you the right path.


And should you ever grow tired or weary on this journey, you will never be to old to crawl into my arms with those big beautiful eyes and sleep securley knowing that any evil, any pain, or even hell itself would have to deal with me before it could touch my baby boy.


I love you Matthew,

Mommy





In addition to many of my own words, I also used words from a letter I came across during a Bible Study written by Christian author and pastor, Max Lucado.

How is it between you and me?

How is it Between Us?

Sara Groves

Woke up on the wrong side of the bed, the wrong side of the room, the wrong side of the world. Can't put my finger on the mood. It's not melancholy, anger or the blues. I love my husband, my house, my job. Couldn't be any better, and really what else is there? Then I realize I'm forgetting God, and that's the root of all my misery. Lord, first of all, how is it between you and me? .

Chorus: How is it between us? How is it between us? When did I talk to you last, and what has happened since? How is it between us? How is it between us? When did I talk to you last, and what has happened? .

When I wake up I am on my way, reinventing the wheel and saving the day. I have learned this lesson a thousand times, I am the branch, and you are the vine. Apart from you we are mice and men, with our fancy dreams of grandeur and no way to get there. Oh I can think about you now and then, or I can make a mark on eternity. Lord first of all, how is it, between you and me? .

Chorus . How is it between us? How is it between us? When did I talk to you last, and what has happened since? How is it between us? How is it between us? When did I talk to you last, and what has happened since?

So let the wicked prosper, let the oceans roar, let the mountains crumble, and fall into the sea. There's something more important weighing on my mind. Lord first of all, how is it between you and me? .

Chorus How is it between us? Lord, how is it between us? When did I talk to you last, and what has happened since? How is it between us? How is it between us? When did I talk to you last, and what has happened?


this song by Sara Groves says it all for me. Life gets in the way so many times for all of us and then, before you know it, it has been days before we have spoken to God. He is always there, waiting for us to stop and talk to Him. John 15 talks about how God is the vine and we are the branches. In order for us to grow in God, we have to stay as part of the vine, the nourishment we need to grow and bear fruit.

'I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch taht does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing....I have told you this so my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. '
John 15:1-5,11

I think this life thing is too hard not to remain in Him.

Lord God,
Thank you that you are the Gardner and your Son is the true vine. Strengthen my branches so they will bear much long lasting fruit. Thank you for loving me enough to be my Gardner and helping me to grow as your disciple. I pray that you give me the strength to do your will, not mine. When I falter, I pray that you bring me right back to you and remind me how desperately I need you at all times. Help me be a strong witness to those around me, especially my children.

In Your precious name I pray,
Amen

I want to be like Hannah!

Being a mother is a hard job. Boy, that's an understatement. It is unimaginably rewarding, but challenging nonetheless. When Haley was born I took a year off of teaching (actually 17 months from bedrest at 6 mo. to going back to work). I was horrible at it. I have lots of excuses why I was bad at it, depression, loneliness, exhaustion, but the truth is that I never asked God if I should stay home. I just felt that is what you should do so I did.

Greg had certain expectations of me if I were to stay home. The house should be clean, clothes washed, dinner cooked, mommy bathed, etc. These things were rarely ever done. I desperately missed teaching and knew that I was not made to be a stay-at-home mom but it was the middle of the school year and no one would take me on mid year. Going back to work when Haley was 17 months was very good for me, though not as good for my family. I still neglected them and took them for granted. I come from workaholic parents so it comes naturally.

Greg really had to shake me around and tell me to get my priorities straight. Each year it got better, I think. After 2 years of teaching and a new baby on the way, I felt very deeply and strongly that God had told me it was time to stay home with my children. That was scary for Greg and me and we continued to question it right up until Matthew was born. I saw his face and new instantly that God had been speaking to me.

Staying home has gone pretty well. The house is cleaned regularly, clothes are washed (just not always put away :), meals are prepared, mommy is bathed, kids are well cared for. I feel successful at what I do. I know Greg appreciates what a hard job I have, even though he won't freely admit it. He has made comments when watching the kids for a few hours that he doesn't know how I get anything done.

Recently I have been studying women of the Bible. God brought the story of Hannah to a Bible study I am doing. The story of Hannah is told in 1 Samuel 1 and 2. Hannah, married to Elkanah, was a woman whom God had decided should not have children for many years of her marriage. He did this in order to bring her closer to Him. During this time in history, a childless woman was considered a failure, cursed by God, and her bareness was a social embarrassment to her husband. Instead of Hannah becoming angry at God, she went to the Lord's temple where Eli the priest stood.

The first commandment (Mark 12:30) says You shall love the Lord God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and will all your strength..." Hannah was the epitome of a godly woman who followed this commandment. She knelt before Eli and prayed to God out of her great anguish and grief. She prayed for God to give her a son, and promised she would give him back to the Lord for all the days of his life. Because of her obedience with God, He granted her deepest desires. When Hannah gave birth to her son Samuel, she prayed a passionate prayer to the Lord.

'My heart rejoices in the Lord;

in the Lord my horn is lifted high.

My mouth boasts over my enemies,

for I delight in your deliverance.

There is no one holy like the Lord;

there is no one besides you;

there is no Rock like our God'

I Samuel 2:1-2

I find her love and deep knowledge of the Lord breathtaking. Hannah did not just pray for the deep desires of her heart on one or two occassions. This was how she lived. 'She poured out her sould before the Lord.' I Samuel 1:15 She and Elkaham reared Samuel to be a man of God and gave him back to the Lord when it was time.

I want to be like her. I want to have so much love and knowledge of God that I am able to do exactly what He wants, trust Him at all times, praise Him day and night, and love Him with a love that is so fearce it cannot be described. I want to rear my children in the way God commands. I know, as Hannah knew, that these children belong to the Lord, not to me. I want to sculpt my childrens lives so that they may follow Christ and be one of His. I want my life to mean more than washed clothes, clean house, cooked meals. That doesn't matter to God or ultimiately my children. I want to have such a stong spiritual influence on my children that they remember all the days of their lives. My greatest desire is to be the woman spoken of in Proverbs 31:10-31 and when I walk into the arms of my Savior, he will look at me and say "Well done, good and faithful servant."

Father God,

I thank you for the blessings of the two beautiful children you have lent to Greg and me. I ask that you watch over them and guide them in thier daily choices. May you give us strength and guidance to be the parents you require so that when it is time to give them back to you, they will freely run into your arms. Help us to put You as our number 1 priority in life at all times and to push away all that does not matter. Lord, help me to be a virtuous woman who eminates your love and grace through my daily choices, words, and actions. Allow me the wisdom to teach my children your Word and show them, not just tell them. Remind me of the picture of Hannah and the blessings you gave her as she lined her life up with Your will. Let her godly life be a reminder of how I am to live. You are a great and mighty God. I love you and praise you. Thank you for loving me and sending your Son to die for my sins.

In His precious name I pray,

Amen

Jessi

Jessi has been the only animal that has lasted our entire marriage. Greg bought her for me a few months after we married. We instantly fell in love with her. She has this great personality where she is just happy all the time. One of our favorite games with her is the pouncing game. I swear she is part cat. You crouch down in front of her and lock eyes with her then she slowly moves toward you like a wild animal on the prowl. She doesn't blink or look anywhere else but at you. Then you pounce and she runs around the house like crazy. It is hilarious.

She has always been really great with the kids. When Haley was about 6 months old she grabbed Jessi's face and ripped a chunk of hair straight out. Jessi just sat there and wagged her tail. We were amazed. Haley has always loved Jessi and within the last year or two has really taken care of her. She is in charge of putting her out to use the restroom. Jessi uses the "bathroom" on command. So great.

Jessi has always slept on our bed. She sleeps on my feet. It is annoying at times. She often snores as loud as Greg. That's a lot of fun. We tried to get her to sleep in Haley's room but she would not have it. She would scratch at the door until we brought her back into our room.

It's funny that I spoke of her in the present tense throughout this blog. Our beloved Jessi died last week. She had been acting differently the last year. A microburst (kind of a mini tornado) moved through our neighborhood in AZ and lightning struck our tree. This happened while Jessi was outside and she has never been the same since. Whenever we get dressed to go anywhere she begins to shake violently out of fear. Sometimes it would get so bad that she would go into something that looked like convulsions. It was so sad to watch. She wouldn't eat or drink anything while we were gone. She was almost blind and began running into everything. She even ran away and we didn't find her for two days. We didn't want her to suffer any longer so we decided it was time to have her euthanized. We were able to do it at home when Haley was in bed asleep. She passed away peacefully with Greg beside her. I was a mess and couldn't handle it. The next day Haley went to let Jessi out and couldn't find her. Breaking the news to her was very hard. We buried her in our back yard. Haley made a beautiful tribute to her with Jessi's favorite toys, Haley's heart keychain, and a cross. We sat there for over an hour. I tried to get her to leave but she didn't want to leave Jessi alone. It was really Haley's first experience with death. I would prefer that it be her last but I know that won't be the case.

Haley found Jessi's collar yesterday. She handled it really well. I think she is going to be fine. We will make sure to keep Jessi's memory alive through pictures and stories. We are done with pets for a long time. We really have more than enough on our plate. We live in a very dog friendly neighborhood so we can get our fix. There is even a dog that looks just like Jessi.

We will miss Jessi terribly but we know we gave her a great life during her time with us. She blessed our lives and we will never be the same because of her.

The perfect print

Monday's are usually my cleaning days at home. I try to allow the weekend to be cleaning free, with the exception of pick-ups. So Mondays, my house is usually ready for a thorough cleaning. This morning I came into our kitchen and the large alphabet and animal magnets had all been pulled off the dishwasher and placed just right so that I would have to either pick them up or step on them in order to make my much needed cup of coffee. Isn't that sweet. The basket of plastic ball pit balls were scattered over the hardwood floors tempting the children with their vibrant colors of orange, blue and green. Bleary eyed, I decided I should begin picking them up a little before Matthew realized they were there. I don't know why I bother. Five minutes later (yeah right) they are going to be everywhere again.

In our new house ( I will address this in the next blog) our appliances are all stainless steel, though not as nice as my mom's new kitchen. OOOOOOhhhh I am jealous. Anyways, I went out and bought some fancy stainless steel wipes to keep them looking pretty. Mainly to get the grubby handprint and noseprints from the bottom half of all the appliances. As I began wiping down the appliances I noticed something beautiful. Matthew's perfect little handprint on the front of the oven door. It reminded me of how he was playing peek-a-boo with himself last night by looking into the oven door glass. I couldn't help but smile at the joy he had everytime he discovered his beautiful face looking back at him. I love this age.

Needless to say, that beautiful handprint is still sitting there as a reminder to me that my children are growing so fast and that instead of wiping away the prints they leave, I should celebrate them, enjoy them, and be proud of them. Who cares if my stainless steel oven isn't perfectly shiny. There is time for that. But that handprint will only be there for such a short time. I, for one, am putting away those silly wipes and am going to enjoy the time I have.

Stepping on the alphabet magnets, well, that's another story.

I am so self absorbed

There are a few things in my life I would like to change. Specifically they are things I do, or don't do. Something that has really bothered me about myself is my lack of discipline when in comes to recognizing birthdays, anniversaries, or even thank you's. Don't get me wrong, I remember every birthday and anniversary. I have this little date book in my head that remembers all sorts of numbers, including dates, addresses, phone numbers, etc. I often think my mind is so overloaded with numbers that there is no room for anything else, hence my inability to remember anything not associated with a number. As far as birthday's and anniversaries, I have over 20 cards that I have bought, signed, and addressed over the last few years. Stamps never seem to get on the cards and they don't make it to the mailbox. Then, by the time I realize, it is way to late and insulting to send. I even have this problem with gifts that need to be mailed. I have all the intention and heart in the world but it never fully gets completed. Thank you notes are the same way. I am so grateful for the many things I have, and I am not just talking about material possessions. I have wonderful friends and family that deserve a lifetime of thank you's. They never know how much I love and appreciate them on a daily basis. It makes me sad that I can't seem to follow through with a thank you letter. I was not raised this way. My grandma taught me to write thank you notes. I completely understand how important they are to people. It makes me so sad that I hurt the feelings of others because I can't get it done. I could give all sorts of reasons...I have two kids and am too busy, when I think about it I am not near a card, I never have stamps, or that the US postal service has raised the price yet again and I now need one cent stamps. I could give many other excuses but the real reason is that I screwed up. The thoughts of letting others down because of my rudeness consumes my thoughts on a daily basis, I hate conflict. Mostly, I just hate hurting the ones I love the most.

For those of you that I have hurt by not recognizing you, I am truly sorry. It is not my intention to show ungratefulness. I just stink at this for some reason. Please know that you are all my greatest life joys and I am truly appreciative for all you do for me and my family. I am very blessed.

Any ideas on how to overcome this issue? I'm all ears.