I stayed in bed this morning continuing to push the snooze button on my alarm. I think silently I was thinking if I didn't get out of bed then the next two days could be avoided. Clearly I know that is not true...but it sure sounded good.
Today started off the crazy week with Matthew's evaluation by a speech therapist, physical therapist, and developmental therapist.
It took about 3 hours to complete. I was prepared that they would say everything is all in my head...You're a bad mom....your expectations of your son are too high....you're crazy!! Thankfully that didn't happen. Thank you God!
These four wonderful professionals saw EVERYTHING I am seeing....and more! My beautiful, intelligent, sweet, funny 2 year old son needs help....and they can provide that help. Huge weight off my shoulders. I felt like I could finally breathe a little. It felt good.
Maybe you might think...Golly, she's weird..wanting her son to "qualify" for therapy. I have had the same thoughts. Why would I want him to be "delayed" in these areas? The truth is...obviously...I don't. I would much rather Matthew be progressing like a normal 2 year old. NO frustration, no stress...just normal 2 year old stuff. Unfortunately, he is not. And I know now, it is not for lack of trying on any of our parts. I needed to know that.
Life in our household is very stressful. VERY STRESSFUL!!! Granted, I know I have it good. Things could be so much worse. I could have unhealthy children or any number of issues. I don't, but I have been there so I do know a little of what that is like..
My issue is more communication. Greg and I have been married just about 10 years...Wonderful years! (mostly :) ) I don't think I have actually had a conversation, a real conversation, with my darling husband in months. It is always met with a 2 year old SCREAMING "Momma, Momma, Momma, Momma!" followed by 20 minutes of trying to figure out what he wants, yelling, and lots of tears. It breaks my heart that we are all so frustrated and can't seem to communicate with our son or eachother. It is even affecting my 6 year old. She is so patient and loves her brother so much, but he wears you down.
I am thankful that none of his issues are behavioral. He is a sweet heart! and dang cute.
Well, I could go on about this all day, but, I will leave it with "Help is on the way!" and a deep sigh of relief.
Tomorrow....well tomorrow is a whole other day. Tomorrow morning we will be taking Matthew to Children's Hospital for three surgeries. Thankfully the surgeon will be performing all 3 surgeries at the same time so we will only have to go through all of this one more time. The surgeries are expected to take around 3 hours. I am going to take my laptop with me and clean out my picture folders. Hopefully that will keep my mind off the time.
I trust God completely with my son. Truthfully, my son is only on loan to me while here on earth. I hope that God thinks that I am a good enough Mom to allow me to continue. :) I am pretty sure he will.
Although these surgeries are not "life threatening" surgeries...they are surgeries all the same. When Matthew was 2 months old and I had to hand him off for his first surgery, my heart broke. He was so tiny and innocent. I wanted so badly to be strong for him...and I was. When he left...I sobbed. It is so hard handing off your precious baby to a stranger knowing what they are going to do.
Matthew has been through so much in his short life. I know others have gone through worse and I am thankful that God has not chosen that kind of life for us at this point. I will write about some of the stuff we have endured since Matthew's birth...literally since the moment of his birth.
For now...I will have peace knowing my God is Faithful and he will sustain me no matter what.
I will post pictures tomorrow or the day after from Matthew's surgeries. Until then, please pray for us. Pray for the surgeon...Dr. Kane...pray for the anesthesiologist...the nurses...and everyone else involved.
Pray that I will be strong in order to keep Matthew calm. Pray that Matthew will do well and that these surgeries will be completely uneventful.
Thank you so much. I covet your prayers and words of encouragement during this time.
GOD IS GOOD! ALL THE TIME!!!
Brandy :)
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3 weeks ago
3 comments:
Oh, wow, I didn't know you were having such problems! You ARE IN MY PRAYERS, your entire family and your precious little boy. I have 2 little boys and my oldest who is 5 had to have surgery when he was 3 and it wasn't anything big at all, but it was devastating just to think of what other parents with worse problems would go through. My little guys also had major problems in the beginning with communication. It was VERY hard, we thought maybe they had something worse than just delayed speech. It turns out they were both just slow talkers. Could this be the case...hopefully? Praying right now for you.
Macey
just saw this after i checked my email. i suppose i won't be seeing you tomorrow, then, but i will be praying for matthew and all of you.
keep us updated.
much love.
I keep checking for new posts...don't leave me hanging! : )
How is your little guy??
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